Dear Amy: I moved into a retirement community a few years ago.We are a mix of couples and singles.
Before I knew it, I had blended into society.
I’ve never met someone who wasn’t alone as much as I was. I met him in the main hallway of our complex. I introduced myself with the best smile. He is sturdy, handsome, walks with a confident swagger and has a great charming personality.
Why didn’t he fall in love with the attractive women who lived here? He’s popular with both men and women, and I know there are other women who want his attention.
we became close. We share many common interests. He is loving, kind, and considerate of my feelings and needs.
My problem is that I fell in love with him, but I don’t want to get hurt if he doesn’t quite feel the way I do.
I’m afraid I might lose him! I am afraid of getting hurt.
I would like your advice on whether I should stop doing this and get rid of the emotional lump now, or stay and keep him happy.
– Senior Single
Dear Seniors: My understanding of some retirement communities is that they can be hotbeds for…hot beds.
Your experience of meeting your man in the hallway and possibly competing with other women is a reminder that attraction has always – to varying degrees – lured us back to high school.
And just like early events in your life, feelings of love and attraction lead to extreme vulnerability.
you’re afraid to lose him you are afraid of getting hurt
I think both of these things are inevitable as the reality of loss approaches as we get older.
You should tell this man about your relationship. What does he want and what do you want? Does he want to be in an exclusive relationship? you?
Just one correction. You ask if you should “stay and keep him happy”.
You should stay in the relationship as long as it keeps you happy.
***
Dear Amy: I have traveled to meet a wonderful man who is desperate to know more. I paid for the first trip to visit him.
He sent me a check for the upcoming second trip to visit him.
I am very much looking forward to seeing him on my next trip, but I am hesitant to cash the check.
I won’t cash the check and am inclined to pay for this second trip myself.
The check was from his and his wife’s joint account and is still shared.
I am a very independent woman. I work hard and have been a very private person since my divorce 18 years ago.
I have no regrets in my life, but if I cash this check, I think I’ll get one.
No drama in my life. I’m worried that this ex-girlfriend will be turned into a drama.
I don’t need her in my business.
How can I return this check on my next visit?
– perplexed
Dear Confusion: Whenever your gut tells you to put the brakes on, even if you don’t know why, you’re wise to pay attention.
Hardworking and independent adults pay for their own travel. Doing so puts you in the driver’s seat of your life (which makes braking much easier).
If you want to go see him, please do so!
Try this as an ice breaker when presenting yourself to Mr. Wonder Guy.
If I were you, I wonder if this man is actually officially divorced.
If you choose to receive money from him in the future, you can let him know that there are many ways to provide reimbursement for your expenses.
One way to even out this financial commitment is for him to visit you with a dime.
***
Dear Amy: Do you have a new or replacement writer for your column?
The replies were noticeably less angry, newly apolitical, and actually kinder and more helpful.
– bob
DEAR BOB: I’m the only one writing this column. He has been writing this column for 20 years.
Thank you for offering one of the most back-handed compliments I have ever received.
(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or write to Ask Amy, PO Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy again Facebook.)
©2023 Amy Dickinson. Distributed by Tribune Content Agency, LLC.
