- CNBC spoke to Orna Guralnik, a psychoanalyst from the Showtime series “Couples Therapy,” about the biggest money problems people face with their partners.
- “Money is one touchstone with reality, and it can make it very clear that two people can’t agree or find a way to solve a problem together.
Orna Guralnik
Source: Showtime
I got into psychoanalysis not long after I started working as a personal finance reporter for CNBC in 2018. The format of therapy has long intrigued her, with the intensity of her three sessions per week and searching for answers within her dreams and past.
I had heard that psychoanalysis was ridiculously expensive, so my main exposure to psychoanalysis was new york cartoonAt that time, a friend from graduate school told me William Alenson White Institute On Manhattan’s Upper West Side, analysts in training were seeing patients for as little as $15 per session. Looking back now, it was probably something similar to what drove me to study journalism on my couch in my early 20s.
Over the next few years, through sessions with psychoanalysts, I was able to gain a better understanding by reporting on the money issues people were facing. It made me realize how big a gap there is between what you know you should be doing with your money and what you are actually doing. Having written an article about the risks of credit card debt, what else can explain why people often put too much money on their cards? Or encourage readers to save early. After explaining the great benefits of getting started, why do you find yourself delaying doing so?
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These are the types of riddles psychoanalyst Orna Guralnik tries to solve for his patients. When I first saw the Guralnik documentary series.”couples therapyOn Showtime, where she provides treatment to real patients in a room with hidden cameras, I couldn’t look away. Make connections and make observations that make you rethink the stories you’ve been telling about yourself and each other.
As a Personal Finance Reporter, I can make the answer sound simple. Take these steps to get out of debt. Do these things to stop overspending. What interests me most about my sessions with Guralnik is how she avoids giving advice. Instead, she asks questions that go deeper and deeper into the lives of the people sitting on the couch.
I wanted to ask her about relationships and money, and I got the chance to do so at the end of April when the new season 3 episode of “Couples Therapy” premiered. (Our interview has been edited and condensed for clarity.)
Annie Nova: How hard is it for people to talk about money?
Orna Guralnik: Very strict. It takes a long treatment period to get in. Sometimes people think more privately about money than their sex life.
AN: Why do you think that is?
OG: In American society, money places you in the social fabric more than anything else. It really puts you in your place. If you want to dig deeper, a lot depends on money when it comes to people’s self-esteem. Who are they compared to those around them? You can give it an Oedipal meaning. Did they manage to surpass their parents?
AN: What are people risking by avoiding talking about money with you?
OG: Money is a very important point of contact with reality. A person can have all sorts of fantasies and ideas about himself. But money is feedback from the real world. So if you don’t talk about money, you won’t know reality.
AN: So what are the dangers there?
OG: This is a high-risk business. You can’t take care of yourself if you don’t face reality. we learn from reality. We grow out of reality. When we defend against it or become so fragile and anxious that we don’t want reality, we get stuck. And finally, we collapse inward. reality is good
AN: Do you have any advice for people who tend to avoid financial realities?
OG: I’m a psychoanalyst. Our advice is always ‘Keep an open mind’. Be honest with yourself. ‘Pain is okay. You can endure pain. Ignoring or defending the issue is ultimately more painful than the truth.
AN: What is the biggest difference between the couple’s money?
OG: People know how to tell the difference about so many things. Some people are thrifty and tend to be obsessive. Some people can’t control their impulses and don’t like to think about the future. That’s why all budgeting and planning conversations are excruciating.
AN: My father used to tell jokes. Do you see couples break up over financial problems?
OG: In my view, a breakup is not about money. Divisiveness is the inability to negotiate disagreements. Money is one of those touchstones with reality, and it can make it very clear that two people can’t agree or find a way to solve a problem together.
AN: At one point in the new series of episodes Christy and Brock couple said they were worried that saving money was a big reason they moved in together. I guess. Money seems like another way for couples to help each other, but the topic seems to sway quickly. What do you think of their fear?
OG: Kristi and Brock are idealists and I love them. For them, doing something for economic reasons undermines their idealistic spirit. They believe they should move for love, not for financial relief. But the idea that marriage is a response to love is a fairly modern idea. Marriage has always been, first and foremost, a way of creating structures that protect people. I have. So I am happy with the fact that the economy is part of what brings people together.
AN: As a psychoanalyst, how do you respond when people talk about financial issues versus being a different type of therapist?
OG: Good question. As a psychoanalyst, my common way of approaching things is the belief that the concrete reality is tied to the unconscious reality. That’s why we’re always looking for something else to tell us about specific symptoms. And through her analysis, we discovered that money meant time to her, and by hoarding it unconsciously, she was protecting herself from her death.
AN: On the other side of hoarding, many people are wasting.
OG: of course. People may waste as a kind of protest. “Why should I be restricted? I suffered so much as a child. I deserve compensation.” To do. By creating a kind of cinematic life, they are trying to shield themselves from the pain of reality.
AN: When you realize what someone is doing with their money, how do you translate that perception into change?
OG: It becomes harder to lie to yourself. You can’t afford to miss those things, and they change your relationship with money. This is he one of the things that often happens to people doing analytics. They become more realistic about money.
