Dear Annie: I have been married for 33 years. My wife has children and grandchildren from another marriage. She has a great job and she makes a lot of money. She is currently retired. We received a nice little nest egg from the pension.
About 15 years ago, when we had a joint checking account and I trusted her to manage it, she gave all the extra money to the kids and paid the bills. It turns out that you only keep enough money. We decided we needed to have our own bank account. She took out a $21,000 loan to pay off her credit cards in 2017 and paid it off in 2019. When I retired in 2020, I paid off her credit card again and bought her a new car, hoping to encourage her to stop spending and start saving. .
Since January 2020, she has earned a $69,000 bonus. She says she has $15,000 left in another bank she uses. The only credit card I’ve seen of hers that she has more than one with up to $10,000 left on it. Last year she donated a total of $54,000 since January, most of which went to her daughter.
Her bonus money does not buy anything for our household or marriage. She has no retirement savings, no 401K, nothing. She had a 401K through her job, but she took the money out and she doesn’t remember what she spent it on. She is 67 years old. I recently told her that I need help with her expenses and that I will support her and get through this. She decided not to ask for her help and she said she could stop spending the money herself.
I’ve seen this movie many times over the years. I live with a woman who has two lives, but it seems that her life with her “sponge family” is more important to her. Any advice is welcome. — Hopeless
Mr. Hopeless: Your wife’s financial decisions seem to be driven by other motives. On the one hand, she spends money in a way that you define as a serious spending problem. On the other hand, quite a bit of money goes to her daughter. I can’t help but wonder if her daughter is okay. Did something dramatic happen in her life that made her need to get a lot of money quickly?
Ultimately, you and your wife need to have an open and honest conversation about your financial situation. Whether you work with a financial advisor to come up with a joint financial plan or work things out completely separately, you need to have everything on the table before you move, for your money and for your marriage. yeah. Towards a solution.
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