Photo by Alexander Grey/Unsplash.Sergio Rodriguez/Unsplash; Collage by Kaz Fantone/NPR
Photo by Alexander Grey/Unsplash.Sergio Rodriguez/Unsplash; Collage by Kaz Fantone/NPR
Need really good advice? Look no further deer life kit. In each episode he asks the expert one of the most pressing questions. This question was answered by Lindsay Brian Podvinis a financial therapist and author of books. Financial anxiety solution. This conversation has been edited for length and clarity.
Dear Lifekit,
I’m having a hard time getting my husband to support the household. When it comes to the subject, he is either completely silent or defensive. He was raised in a working-class family, while my family enjoyed modest wealth for generations. I think this difference makes him uncomfortable talking about money.
We know he’s thinking about finances because he has an active investment portfolio and contributes to his retirement plans. However, he wants to have a collaborative financial plan. He hopes to save for collective goals such as home renovations and family vacations.
Do you have any advice on how to get my husband to attend the bookkeeping meeting? — Money troubles between couples
This dynamic manifests itself many times in romantic partnerships. One person makes plans and tries to bring things up, the other person is reluctant. When I hear from people who are reluctant to start a conversation, they often say: The word “budget”. I don’t do it because I’m so worried it might explode or stop working. ’ So I have a lot of empathy for couples in this situation.
Set a neutral time and place for the conversation before discussing money. When we talk about money, we mostly do so in moments of heightened emotion. Maybe you just got home from a big purchase at Costco and are frustrated that your budget is higher than you thought. If you come to my house and say, “You’re not thinking about your grocery budget at all. You have no idea where our money is going.” Not a good way to start. Instead, say, “I just got back from Costco. I realize I’ve been spending a lot of money on food. Do you have time this week to sit down and review your food budget?”
This does several things. Call your partner’s attention. Also, it gives your partner an idea of what to expect during that conversation. So first, let them schedule the conversation at their convenience. If the other person keeps dodging the conversation, you can say, “Would you like to hear some podcasts about finances?” And if you still don’t have the momentum to move forward, it doesn’t hurt to bring in professionals like financial therapists, therapists, money coaches, and financial advisors to keep the conversation going.
Conversations about money begin with a discussion of shared values and goals. For example, “How do I prioritize saving for my annual family vacation?” By doing something you enjoy, you can build positive momentum and a positive reward feedback loop.
Listen to Lindsay Bryan-Podvin’s full answer at the top of this page or in the audio below. apple podcast or spotify.
Have a question for Dear Life Kit? Please share anonymously here.
The organizer of the Deer Life Kit is Andy Tuggle and produced by Beck Harlan and Sylvie Douglis. Bronson Arkuri is a managing producer Megan Keane is the editor-in-chief. Alicia Zheng and Kaz Fantone produce the Dear Life Kit video series on Instagram.
Do you like the Deer Life Kit? You can follow us on our weekly reels on NPR’s Instagram.
