Pay Dirt is Slate’s money advice column. I have a question? Send here to Athena and Elizabeth. (You are anonymous!)
paydirt
My boyfriend and I have been dating for several years. We are very similar in lifestyle, hobbies and interests. That said, I always knew I was more thrifty than him. From an early age, his father instilled in me a very strong sense of thrift. I often buy expensive used clothes that I can wear for years. I bought fixer uppers and it took me years to find the right refurbished or discounted ones to complete my home. I use miles and points to travel, and we often travel in luxury together. I think all this is why my boyfriend thinks I make more money than I do. I realized this when I sat down to review my cohabitation finances.
At that point, I realized he thought I made something much closer to what he makes, which is about three times what I make. I make a good income in the area, but after our conversation, I realized something was wrong. He commented that he didn’t want to spend all his spare time trying to find a deal. Neither do I. I stop looking for deals and set limits when buying things the way most people do. I love this life and don’t want to quit. Frankly, looking at his budget, I don’t think I can afford to quit. Do you think this is a relationship-breaking big deal? What kind of conversation should we have with him about our future? I don’t really know what’s going on inside, but I do know that I felt something was wrong after the conversation. He seemed really disappointed. what do i do?
— budget failure
Budgeters
I am very impressed with your budgeting ability.you no Make a big mistake in budgeting. This guy here thinks he’s making three times what he actually makes. I commend you (and also liked your tip about setting a timer when looking for a deal so you don’t search endlessly for the perfect price).
The good news is that you don’t have to stop looking for deals, but the bad news is that your partner may have spending issues. You say you have to be frugal when you combine your income. Let’s say you make $50,000 and he makes $150,000 for a total annual income of $200,000. Even after taxes, there should still be a good amount to cover the expenses of two adults. You didn’t tell me if he had any major debts outstanding, such as student loans, or if he lived in an area with a high cost of living, so I may be overestimating your income. is enough. You can use it freely. But if such a budget (or a budget like it) is tight, that’s where the spending problem comes in. This shouldn’t be a deal breaker, but it definitely needs more clarity.
Communication is important when you live with your partner, so we recommend setting a date to pay the money. This is a time to get together in a comfortable environment to discuss finances, set financial goals, and check in with each other on spending. Make sure she talks about money at least once a month. My friend Lindsey Brian Podvin is the financial therapist behind this website. mind money balance I have a podcast episode that might help money date You can dig in. She walks you step-by-step on how to set it up, what topics to discuss, how to communicate clearly, and how to end on a positive note so you feel empowered afterwards. She suggested this to her boyfriend to restart the conversation and go from there.
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paydirt
We are expecting our first child at the end of this year. I am so excited! I don’t have a baby, so I’m in charge of the baby shower. Here’s what I’m having trouble with: To be resourceful, should we make it clear that the gift is optional?
The complication is that my wife and I are more blessed than anyone to invite to a baby shower. We both have her 6 figure jobs and our monthly expenses are very low. Our friend group is made up of social workers, teachers, retail store employees, small business owners, etc., probably less than half the income. We don’t flaunt our wealth, but it’s no secret that we come from different income brackets. Is it stupid to expect baby showers from everyone? I wouldn’t feel comfortable accepting cheap night lights from a friend whose rent just went up again.
Or am I stupid for not expecting a baby shower? My wife thinks she doesn’t have to be rich for her friends to buy baby gifts.
— Soon to be ex-DINK
Dear ex-DINK,
Congratulations on completing your new Joy Bundle! It’s nice to be able to respect that not everyone is on the same footing when it comes to income. But people are looking forward to you. If the way you express your feelings includes buying you a holiday gift, do so.
You can do some things to help accommodate guests. First, consider creating a small, affordable product listing on Amazon or another retailer. That way, no one will buy more than you can afford. Another idea is to write directly on the invitation that guests may bring books instead of gifts and leave them in the baby’s library. People can buy books at different prices, and Dollar Tree even lets him buy one for $1.25. For the completely free option, you can even have your guests write letters to the baby or even provide a photo of themselves for scrapbooking later.
However, no matter which direction you choose, you can kindly add, “The gift we are most looking forward to is from you!” That way, you’re not saying “I don’t want gifts” outright, but you’re also not encouraging the other person. enjoy!
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paydirt
I need help with a cost-benefit analysis of paying off my credit card balance in full versus keeping an emergency fund. A few months ago, he finally hit his emergency fund goal with eight months worth of bills. Employment luck has been very bad lately, so I decided on 8 months. In the last four years, I have unwittingly landed him five jobs. Two of these jobs were short-term appointments, but the remaining three of his were unexpectedly laid off. Before my first layoff, I was already in credit card debt, and it got worse after I was laid off. I went to collect my debt. Since then, I have managed my finances and saved enough money.
Last year, I finally hit my emergency fund goal and started saving for my credit card payments. I wanted a full refund. Then I got fired from a job where I had a big promotion a few months ago. I was honestly surprised when I got the job, but in retrospect, it was probably because I didn’t have a good eye for the business in trouble. My business went bankrupt, so I was laid off and had to get a new job at my old salary. My promotion saved me a lot, but now I only have a fraction of what I used to. I’m not very optimistic about making more money in the future. At this point, if the two companies come to a settlement, I think I’m good enough to pay off my credit card, but I’m wondering if that’s a bad idea. I’m not under pressure from the company to pay, so I’m going to think about it for at least a few months, but I’d like to see it done anyway. Should I put the debt on hold until it’s paid off in full? You’ll probably need a new car in 3-5 years and start looking for a home in 5-10 years. My current job doesn’t allow me to pay off all my credit cards for 3-5 years. However, assuming I keep working, it will take years. what are your thoughts
— Credit Chaos
Dear Credit Chaos,
Despite your recent work history, you are working towards a solid foundation as you evaluate your options. Having a home is the ultimate goal, so I spoke with his Mr. Alan Corey. house money media We provide guidance to get you started.
“If you plan to buy a car or a house in the future, how you handle your credit cards today is very important,” Corey says. Your credit usage is one of the key factors that affect your credit score, so continuing to borrow more than you need hurts your credit. To take advantage of the best funding options for both, credit score is about 660 that’s all.
But aiming for that score doesn’t mean running out of emergency funds. Instead, Corey suggests a hybrid approach. “For future unemployment, he will only have three months of emergency funds set aside, and the rest will go to credit on his card balance,” Corey said. “Once the credit card is paid off in full, after that, I’ll increase the funds from his three months to his eight.” increase.
—Athena
classic prude
My cousin recently got married to a lovely girl. Everyone in my family loves her and she is always so kind to us. She is intelligent and kind, but the problem is how she dresses. Although she is very pretty, she refuses to wear nice clothes and wears baggy and boring clothes instead. My family is all fashion conscious and my cousin suggested several times to buy her new clothes, but to no avail.
