Money baggage can ruin your holidays. Here’s how to conquer it.

Financial therapists tell MarketWatch that the holidays can drown out the negative thoughts, fears and emotions we have about money, which can spur overspending and more spending as the days leading up to New Year’s Eve pass. Ta.

It doesn’t have to be that way, they said. There are ways to combat the negative thoughts and “money scripts” we encounter during this time.

Amid the holiday spending frenzy, here are some ways to stay on top of your sanity, and maybe even your budget.

Step 1: Identify your money story, or “money script.”

It’s important to remember that our thoughts, feelings, and beliefs about money play a key role in shaping our financial behavior, says David, a financial therapist and author of The Financial Mindset. says Joyce Marter, LCPC, author of Fix: A Mental Fitness Program for an Abundant Life.

“Money behavior has a lot to do with our financial health,” Marter says.

According to financial psychologist Brad Klontz, many psychological stories about money date back to childhood and are passed down through families.

To help people define these narratives, he developed the concept of “money scripts.” These are deeply ingrained, often unconscious beliefs about money that influence our financial behavior as adults. (If you are interested, why not pick it up? Free quizzes on the Klontz website Check what your money script is. )

Some people follow the money flow of being wary of money. They tend to be overly cautious about their finances and can have trouble spending. Others exhibit money avoidance traits, such as never having enough money, which can lead to reckless spending and oversaving.

There is also money worship (the belief that money is the key to all happiness). This can lead to giving extravagant gifts, increasing your credit card balances and money status, and equating your worth with your net worth.

“They’re like play scripts that were written for you generations ago, and we tend to act them out,” Klontz said. “Unless challenged, you can keep using it for the rest of your life.”

Smaller versions of money scripts and other long-standing perceptions about money can also emerge during the holidays, Klontz said. For example, a story about having to buy presents for his friends and family.

“The idea that ‘you have to give someone a gift to show them that you love them’ is partially true, and may be true for certain friends,” he says. “But if you apply it broadly, you end up bankrupt.”

Step 2: Adjust your money script

Klontz added that it may be helpful to view the holiday season as an opportunity to learn about how your money works and where it comes from. Perhaps talk to your family about their financial situation.

“It’s a great time to play your own anthropologist,” he said. “Use it as a learning opportunity.”

And if you find yourself internalizing harmful or negative beliefs about money, you can work on reframing those narratives, Marter says.

Klontz noted that even small changes can make a difference. For example, consider the idea “I don’t have enough money.” This may be a money script formed by growing up in a low-income household.

Simply changing your mindset that “I don’t have enough money right now” can make a big difference.

“It sounds so simple, but ‘I don’t have enough money right now’ is a call to action. ‘I don’t have enough money’ is a disempowering emotion,” Klontz said.

Step 3: Set boundaries

Setting boundaries between yourself and others is another helpful way to deal with financial worries that may creep in near the end of the year, experts say.

Brandon Goldstein, a New Jersey-based financial planner with Prudential Financial, says it can be as simple as setting a budget for holiday spending. If you’ve been shopping without doing anything, he suggested starting with a list of all the gifts you’ve bought and their prices.

“Look where you are,” he said. “Holiday gifts can easily send you off track financially.”

Setting boundaries may also mean discussing gifts with loved ones. If you want to avoid overspending, or simply can’t afford gifts at all, he says you can share more about your financial situation and discuss buying a less expensive gift or skipping it altogether. say.

When it comes to family matters, that might mean discussing gift-buying budgets before the holidays or asking in advance to avoid talking about money and wealth in conversations at holiday gatherings, Marter says. To tell.

“If you’re working on improving your financial situation, you can be willing to discuss that,” she said. “Having clear boundaries and expectations is critical to helping us feel less stressed and more psychologically safe.”

Step 4: Give yourself some grace.

Take a deep breath. Mr Mater said it has been a tough time this year and we are all a little tired.

“At this time of year, our inner critic can really come out,” she said. “‘I’m a failure, I’m bad at spending money, I’m broke.’ These are thoughts and belief systems that have a huge impact on our behavior and become self-fulfilling prophecies. There is a possibility.”

If you find yourself challenged by your past spending habits, and you’re worried you’re spending too much, Klontz says, give yourself a little grace. Told. At the heart of these perceptions are often truths and lived experiences, and it is important to respect them.

But the holiday season doesn’t necessarily have to be a time of added financial stress, he said. Once you feel like you’re one, you can always change it.

He says there are other ways to show appreciation to those in your life without spending a fortune. He gave examples like making homemade cookies, writing long, thoughtful notes, and offering acts of service.

“Try to expand your possibilities in terms of ‘How do I show people that I love and care about them?'” he said. “It doesn’t have to be about money.”