This is where I last saw my father alive. She knows in her head that she has the right to do what she wants. And I know he will likely die before her. However, having divorced after a long marriage, I now feel that I cannot trust anyone who promises or keeps their promises. Her sister has lost contact with her mother in the past, so she hasn’t spoken to her yet.
Do I have the right to ask my mother to reconsider? I am a real estate executor. I don’t want to have unnecessary arguments with my mother in my later years.
Will and Fury: Do you have the right to make your mother think twice? yes. Does your mother have the right to refuse your request? Also, yes. This house belongs to your mother and can be left to whoever she wants. Even if her mother didn’t change her mind and changed her will, the memories you and her sister had at home are yours. As for the issue of you and your sister losing the value of your mom’s “small house in an expensive neighborhood”, keep in mind that you can’t lose something that wasn’t yours in the first place. .
Will and Fury: One of the key details that can sway this answer is the nature of her relationship with this man. how long have they been together? Are they on good terms? It doesn’t mean just love. Have you ever worried that he might take advantage of her? But your question has no such concerns at all.
If not, you told mom you encouraged her not to worry about what she left you, and apparently mom decided to take your word for it. If this is important enough to you, gently ask her what caused this change, what her plans would be if he took over the house, and what the inheritance would be in that case. can do. Perhaps her husband will be happy to give it to you. Maybe that’s his plan. Either way, the bottom line is that you need to realize that this is out of your control.
Will and Fury: No, although it is your memory, it is her legal property. His daughters are jumping to conclusions here too quickly, regardless of the fact that they could inherit the house even if they didn’t grow up there. A previous residence does not give anyone a “demerit” on the property. You are confusing her ex-husband’s actions with her wife’s reasonable and honorable desire to care for her long-term spouse if she died prematurely. Become. It’s illogical and unfair to your mom and her stepfather. I need therapy here.
If you feel that you are not fit for the role of executor, consider whether your prejudices are not the right fit for you. Tell your mom now and let her change like that too. When her father died, my mother sold her house without informing me or her brothers. So, while I am not entirely sympathetic, I quickly realized that nothing could change or take away my memory and affection for her father. something to think about.
Will and Fury: Encouraging mothers to treat their financial situation as their own rather than a legacy that needs to be preserved is a healthy and loving thing to do. The devastation of not inheriting most of your childhood home and property to you and your sister starts to sound like a disconnect.
Talking is a good idea. However, rather than viewing this situation as a decision that requires reconsideration, it may be worth considering the reasons for the change. Did something happen that made her worry about her husband’s safety if she died first? Could you explain to her what this house means to you? Couldn’t we find a way to alleviate her anxiety, specifically by buying a house, or legally by ensuring that her husband could live there? You may not get it, but it’s better than it gets worse.
Each week, we invite readers to answer questions submitted to Carolyn Hax’s live chat or email. Read last week’s article here. New questions are typically posted on Fridays and are due Monday. Responses are anonymous unless an individual is identified and are edited for length and clarity.
