Mom left me the house in her will. Do I owe my sister anything?

Dear Penny

My mother passed away about a year ago at the age of 91. Ten years ago, when her mother wrote her will, her sisters did not want to live in her mother’s house. They just wanted her things (antiques, money, anything that didn’t require them to work). The house was valued at $75,000 at the time. At the time of her death, the house was valued at $150,000.

At the funeral, my sister said she wanted a house. She lived there with her mother and had hired a lawyer. Her lawyer looked at her will and told her that was it. I told her I wanted $150,000 for her house and she offered to pay $100,000. There are many other things, but the main themes are as follows. My mother was of sound mind when she consulted with her attorney and placed her property into her trust. She feels sick sometimes, what is she thinking?

— rightful owner

Dear rights holders

Inheritance disputes are tumultuous for families, especially around housing, which holds the most sentimental value and the most wealth (and therefore opportunity) for many families. I sympathize with your situation. And I hope that this inheritance issue has not created a rift in your relationship with your sister that wasn’t there before. When you have lost a family member, (re)connecting with your loved ones can feel even more powerful.

It seems legal experts are already considering it. There is no evidence that they should not have agreed to the will that your mother made, and your sister’s lawyer agreed that she should not have title to her home. I am not a lawyer and cannot provide further legal advice.

I feel your bigger question is a matter of conscience. Should I feel guilty about claiming the appraised value of my home?

I often find that stress around inheritance comes from our cultural relationship with money, rather than from immediate financial concerns themselves. You may have been planning to inherit approximately $75,000 from your mother’s home after she dies, but when you hear that her home is valued at twice that amount (due to unforeseen financial circumstances). I feel like I’m incurring a loss. Anything less than that will be accepted.

Both you and your sister are likely experiencing some form of loss aversion. It’s her tendency to cling tightly to what she already has, which in her case is the house she lives in. In your case, the appraised value is $150,000. Humans tend to play faster and looser with things they don’t already have. This would explain why your sister wasn’t worried about inheriting the house when it went up for sale ten years ago.

Our financial culture tends to teach people to make financial decisions using only mathematical basis, as if it is okay to ignore the human emotions behind them. But these experiences also need to be part of the equation. The loss aversion that you and your sister feel, combined with the grief of losing your mother, your lifelong sibling relationship, and other circumstances that affect your daily life, may be influencing how you feel about the value of your home. Masu.

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Take a step back from the financial details and see if you can uncover the emotional drivers behind your negotiation with your sister. How was your relationship with her in the past? What does your mother’s house mean to you (and to her)? What experiences did you have with money growing up? How does that manifest in how each of you behaves with money now?

There is no one right answer here. Our system of property ownership and inheritance creates a lightning rod for the emotions that arise as families grieve a loss, which is unfair to families. All I can do is try my best to have the conversation from a position of empathy and not let our culture’s mechanical tendencies toward economic optimization dictate what I want in this situation. That’s all.

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Dana Miranda is a Certified Personal Finance® Educator. penny hoarder.Send your tough money questions to Ask a question Penny@thepennyhoarder.com.