Dear Amy: My husband and I married late in life (he was 44 when I was 49). This is his second marriage.
We struggled a bit financially because I married with more money. So, after a few years, we decided to open a joint account.
I was excited to start this exchange. Because it establishes a more team approach towards our future goals.
Well, three months later he is spending far more than he contributed (donated $8,000 but spent $14,000), which creates even more challenges. I noticed that.
He refuses to tell me what he used the money for, making me feel unreasonable for worrying about this.
The original purpose was that I pay all the major bills (house, taxes, insurance, car) and he only pays for health insurance (which I appreciate) It was to help me pay the bills.
This was the first 3 months he experienced the mix and now he says he refuses to get out of the account. He threatens that my surveillance will mean the end of our relationship.
I worry because I know that finances can cause the biggest problems in relationships. So I’m hoping for some advice.
I don’t know what to do at this point. Do you have any suggestions?
– Wandering Wife
Dear Wandering: You don’t seem to be as alert as I think.
Being late on those huge bills, not telling you where that money went, gaslighting you when you raise concerns, and refusing to leave this joint account is a serious risk. It’s a signal.
It’s time to contact your bank (to understand where this money is going) and your attorney to consider your spouse’s rights and responsibilities.
You are likely responsible for any debt incurred in a joint account. I urge you to take immediate action.
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