Dear Amy: I am very close to my cousin “Landon.”
Landon is a strong and healthy old man. Unbeknownst to him, we are not actually cousins and are actually not related at all.
Years ago, I asked Landon to submit a DNA sample and have the results delivered to me as a family historian.
The sample revealed that his mother’s husband was not Landon’s biological father.
Note that Landon always had a strained relationship with his “father” and I remember him as a difficult man.
I am an amateur genealogist and was able to identify his biological father and relatives.
Those still living are a short drive from Landon’s home.
Although he is very proud of our family history (there is nothing remarkable about our tree), he did not pay attention to the DNA results. He believes the DNA results only prove what he has long believed to be true.
I have gone to great lengths to protect his privacy while using public databases to research his biological family. However, Landon’s children and grandchildren could undergo DNA testing at any time, making this reality clear.
Then I would have to confess that I have known the truth for years.
I love my cousin so much that I don’t want to hurt him or damage our friendship.
Should I tell Landon about his parentage now?
– Burden of Truth
Dear Truth Burden: You have avoided accessing your cousin’s DNA information because you believe it only proves that he is biologically related to your family. I’m hinting.
But maybe he’s been avoiding it…he suspects that his DNA inheritance is taking him outside of your family and simply doesn’t want to face it. . It’s a legitimate choice and he has the right to do it.
You might say to him: “As you know, I’ve researched my family’s DNA and genealogy. I have access to your information and your unique story. If you want to know about it, I’d love to share it with you. can.”
He can then consider his options and let you know.
If a DNA relative (or family relative) discovers the truth about his parentage and independently contacts him, he will understand that you have provided him with this information.
Dear Amy: I have known “Carol” since 3rd grade.
She has a condo in Florida so I try to visit her once a year.
Having lost her husband a year ago, she became lonely.
Before this year’s visit, she told me she had a man and that he would “be around” while I was there.
Yes, he was always there, always called, always wanted to be with us.
The first night I was there she went to stay the night with him, leaving me and two irritating dogs who barked and whined all night.
When I told her in the morning, she apologized, but still left me with the dog every night to stay at his house.
I’m glad my friend found a new man. I didn’t mind her staying at his house at night.
My problem was that she couldn’t go 5 days without him being around all the time so I could enjoy a vacation with my friends.
And she left me alone with the dog while it barked constantly every night.
This caused problems in our friendship.
She seems angry at me, but I think I have the right to be angry.
We would love to hear your thoughts.
– the dog is tired
Dear Tired Dog: People who enjoy the initial rush and flash of a new relationship tend to act selfishly. No, “Carol” actually believes that right now she can’t go five days without seeing her constriction.
Maybe he’s spending the night with her and her dog, so she might have thought you were giving him space during your stay by taking him to his place, but every night… Abandoning you to take care of her dog was extremely rude.
She may be pretending to be angry at you and preempting your disappointment, but she really owes you an apology.
Dear Amy: Your advice to “be on time” completely lacked consideration for people who are always late. People with ADHD have the added challenge of dealing with time management. Starting without them will only shame them for acting out of their control.
– It was disappointing.
For those of you who are unhappy: Starting work without the chronically late person may free up the person who is late and avoid frustrating and toe-tapping those who are kept waiting.
(You can also email Amy Dickinson. askamy@amydickinson.com Or write to Ask Amy, PO Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter. @askingamy or Facebook. )
